MOST COMMON QUESTIONS I ANSWERED AS A ZOO TOUR GUIDE

I worked as a tour guide for 9 months at one of the top zoos in the country.
  1. Is that poop?
    Of course. What did you think it was?
  2. Is this poop or animal food?
    Definitely poop. Please put it back on the ground where you found it.
  3. Does that gorilla have poop in its hand?
    Well... it was poop. Then the gorilla ate her poop and vomited it back up into her hand to get attention from the crowd. So I'm not sure what the exact word for that mixture would be.
  4. Have you ever had an animal escape?
    Actually, yes! Our sloth escaped once. I'd tell you the whole story, but the plot is a little slow.
  5. What are those animals doing?
    Celebrating the fact that it's Wednesday.
  6. Can we go see the panther?
    No. Not because I'm the meanest tour guide alive, but because there is no such thing as a panther. What you are actually probably asking to go see is the black jaguar or black leopard.
  7. Can we go see the orangutang?
    No. Because the correct pronunciation is actually orangutan. No "g" on the end. Okay, maybe I am the meanest tour guide alive.
  8. Is it sleeping?
    Yes, let's go with that.
  9. WHAT IS THIS ANIMAL?
    That is a ground squirrel. Yes, please continue to ask me questions about this animal you can find in your own backyard rather than all of the exotic animals from around the world you are here to see.
  10. Can we go back and watch the movie now?
    Yes. Fine. Whatever.