ICYMI, The city of Spokane, Washington has opened an investigation into whether Rachel Dolezal, the president of the local chapter of the NAACP, lied about her race. The story has gone viral in response to her parent's posting photos of her as a child and sharing their concern that "their daughter is living a lie." HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS.
  1. When you paid some lost soul to change the texture of your hair to appear more kinky, how long did the ghost of Madame C.J. Walker haunt your dreams/scold you from the grave?
  2. When you frequently regarded groups of black men and women as "your people", did the blatant lie cause your nose to literally grow longer?
  3. When your friends from high school posted #tbts with young you in the background with mayonnaise skin and corn pops yellow hair, how quickly did you report them as "abuse" to Instagram?
  4. When you went to cookouts in the summer and Ray used his spiciest dry rub on the ribs, did the heat in every bite feel like the penance that you know you deserve?
  5. When you lead the public to believe that your adopted black brothers were your biological sons, how did you avoid clapping near them (lest you reveal your inability to find the rhythm)?
  6. When Anita Baker's "Caught Up in the Rapture" comes on, do you pretend to hum the lyrics or have you learned them by now? Do you shout "thats my song!" or is the shame simply too great?
  7. Girl, are you okay? And how does it feel to be my favorite meme of all time?