HIGHLIGHTS FROM MY PARENTS' DIVORCE📂

  1. #draftmas!
  2. My father's fourth mistress reveals herself so my mom changes the locks on him
    When we got home that night he was lying face down on the garage floor in an attempt to garner pity. My mom, my sisters and I laughed hard at him, stepped over his body, and went upstairs to watch What About Bob. We locked the door behind us.
  3. I am forced to take this weird community-sponsored class for children of divorce?
    Idk if they have these in other states but once my mother officially filed, I received this court-mandated invite to a class downtown for children of divorce in Minneapolis. It lasted an hour and was lead by a child psychologist, during which we were told around 35 times that it was "not our fault" and then offered Kudos bars. I was 10. This was an eyeroll-fest because, duh, obviously that shit had nothing to do with me. I had my form signed, took a box of m&m kudos bars and bounced.
  4. My father is the last to find out that I got my period
    I got my period very early (11) and since I'm the baby of the family, this was a major event. After about six months we all (my mom+sisters) had gotten over the shock, and one of them bought me pads and left them out in the open. That afternoon, my father was having one of his sporadic visits when he sees my pack of maxis on the floor. "Whose are these??!!" He exclaims, panicked. "Oh, mine?" "You got your period??" "Yeah...?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "....why would I tell you?" 😬