"Things I Shouted In My Silent Films" by Charlie Chaplin

Found stuffed in between two seats at the United Artists Movie Theater in Burbank
  1. "Is this funny? How about this? Are you laughing out there? Hello?"
  2. “These potatoes with forks in them aren’t really my legs. IT’S AN ILLUSION!”
  3. “And now to confess all my crimes…”
    guaranteed laugh from the crew.
  4. “I’m tilting back as though there’s a lot of wind when, in actuality, there isn’t any wind at all!”
  5. "You dopes! You stupid, stupid dopes! You’ll never know what I’m saying!”
  6. "ALL HAIL THE TRAMP MAN.”
  7. "You guys ready for “City Lights….AND SOUNDS”?!??!?!?!?!?"
  8. “If it was legal, I’d drown Buster Keaton in a laundry tub.”
    I said this at least once during every film I made.
  9. “Movies work both ways! I can see all of you too!”
  10. "I’m aware my wives are too young!”
  11. "Denver."
    During one scene in 'Modern Times,' I listed every state capital!
  12. "Canes are not this bendy in real life.”
  13. “I’m Hitler! I’m fucking Hitler!”
    This was during ‘The Gold Rush’
  14. ”I have nothing but disdain for you, Mabel Normand.”
  15. "I’m wearing a bright purple suit but you’ll never know, you stupid animals.”
  16. “I’m funny because I’m sad! Read my biography!”
  17. "I’m a communist! Blacklist me, I dare you. Exile me, Hollywood. I want you to.”
  18. “Waddle better”
    Sometimes I would just mutter this under my breath for hours.