THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

Today, April 3rd, has been eventful.
  1. I went to brunch
    Palos Verdes is pretty.
  2. My eyeliner looked good
    Important.
  3. I ate lots of lox
    Lox is the shit.
  4. I mastered my Gwen Stefani impression
    Ask my mom, she said it was great.
  5. My prom date dumped me
    For the record, he's not from this country and doesn't understand prom. He forgot he promised me (???) and asked someone else (??!!?????!!!!). I'm still PISSED.
  6. I subtweeted him
    On private Twitter tho.
  7. I tried to find a new prom date
    Went through many friends on Facebook.
  8. I couldn't find a prom date
    EVERYONE. IS. TAKEN.
  9. I considered going with one of my brother's friends
    They're 14-15...
  10. I decided that would be a bad idea
    #1 my brother would kill me #2 I'm 17 and a half
  11. I googled how much prostitutes are
    Better start saving up now if I want a cute date, right?
  12. I cried
    A lot
  13. Can someone help me?
    If you have Jake Gyllenhaal's #, hmu :)
  14. Tbh idk what to do. I already ordered my dress.
    Someone HELP ME!!!!!!! I'm having a crisis
  15. Jeff Goldblum wouldn't treat me like this.
    Why can't Jeff be 17 and my boyfriend?
  16. Goodbye cruel world
    I'm moving to ICELAND!!!!!!
  17. Update: I just slid into a boy's DMs
    Because I'm a woman who gets what she wants.
  18. Update on the update: he replied
    *insert HSM song* ~this could be the start of something new~