DISCREETLY MEAN INSULTS I'VE FANTASIZED ABOUT GIVING

  1. "I'm thankful for your uniqueness"
    Translation: I'm glad there's only one of you.
  2. "I admire your unconditional self-confidence"
    Translation: You have no reason to feel good about yourself, but yet you do.
  3. Calling anyone "competent"
  4. "How should I put this...I think Chris should treasure you."
    Translation: I think your boyfriend is an ugly loser. (I actually said this one.)