1. that sugar-glazed nuts were discovered to be "good for you"
  2. that my ex told me he loved me 💔
  3. that my ex got hit by a car and killed while riding his bike
    jk, I don't actually wish this were true. Like most people my exes have been basically good and just not right for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  4. that my cat delivered a moving speech
    My roommate and I assumed she had a ghostwriter.
  5. that Jhumpa Lahiri complimented my bangs