Things my Roommate Says and Does

My roommate is crazy. And funny. And his fading South African accent just makes it all sound good.
  1. Roommate picks up a friend's lipstick "this smells so familiar." Me: "Does it smell like lipstick?" Roommate: "but it reminds me of something. Me: "Does it remind you of wearing lipstick?"
  2. Roommate: I mixed you a new drink; it's called yellow fever. It has ice, tequila, and urine.
  3. Roommate: "Don't worry, the other day, I left my cell phone and checkbook in the communal laundry room. For a week."
  4. Roommates conversation with his sister "I hung up on you cause I don't love you... Are you on drugs?... Your Facebook status seems sad... You're sweet and funny... You could just not be crying and miserable"
  5. Roommate, in response to chicken being so tender it falls off the bone: "It's the one time that it's okay to be falling apart in life"
  6. Roommate: This bagel is flakier than most of my friends
  7. Roommate: "Can you pick up some chicken for me?" Me: "Is empire okay?" Roommate: (speaking about the show, Empire) "Yes! It's amazing. It can be a little soapy at times, but it's such a great show. Acting is good. Theme is good. We should definitely watch!" Me: "...is empire chicken okay?"