1. Captain Zippy
  2. General Jack-Off and His Bum Hummer
    Reserved for ONLY those driving Hummers that are tailgating me (which happens more often than one might legitimately think possible)
  3. Admiral Fuckwit
    When Captain simply won't do
  4. Bobby the Meerkat
    The car in a line of traffic that keeps bobbing out to the side to see what the hold up is and if they can get around it faster.
  5. Mister Switchy
    Or Ms. I don't discriminate based on gender.
  6. Jackass John Tiny-Penis
    Okay, this one is discriminatory based on gender. It's also highly useful.
  7. Bingo the Bad Driver
    This is the name I use when I have children in the car with me.
  8. The Grand Marshall Jesus Christ
  9. Ass Douche
    As in, "Hang up you damn phone and drive, you colossal Ass Douche!"