WHAT I'D TELL PAST VERSIONS OF MYSELF

  1. 2001ish
    Never change. Keep on rocking the heelies and building little houses in the garden. Stay gold.
  2. Circa 2012
    Please, for the love of God, stop trying so, so hard. I'm not even angry, I feel genuine pity for you. You can smell the desperation from miles away. Everything you do, from wearing a fedora on a Daily basis to listening to a Walkman, to using the word "swell" screams "IMSOWACKYANDINDY PLEASELOVE ME!" People already do, despite those things. Chill.
  3. 2008ish
    You poor, pseudo emo bastard. I'm sorry middle school wasn't the fresh start that you wanted. But this should make you feel better - Joey _________ fails algebra twice, and Danielle _________ dropped out and lives in a trailer park now.
  4. Circa 2010
    Your glasses are fake and your hat is dumb. Stop lying to your new edgy anarchist friends. You've never smoked pot, read the communist manifesto, or listened to (or heard of) any of the bands they reference.
  5. Circa 2013
    Your hair will never look this good again. CHERISH THIS MOMENT!
  6. Summer of 2013
    You're going to remember the IIT summer camp as the best two weeks of your life. Live. It. Up. You'll all stay friends, and meet up every once in a while, but it'll never be quite the same as it is now.
  7. 2016 Max
    Ehhh you're okay I guess...