1. Anyone who calls me during nap time.
    Sleep when the baby sleeps, motherfuckers.
  2. Naturally thin people.
    I can eat anything I want!
  3. Judgy playground moms.
    Yes, my child just ate an apple covered in dirt. Don't worry, it's organic.
  4. All my friends who now sell things.
    I don't want your face cream, your purses or your essential oils. I unfriend you.
  5. Parents whose children's birthday parties last more than 90 minutes.
    Stop the torture.
  6. She who must not be named.
    You know who you are.
  7. All the republican presidential candidates.
    I'm becoming a libertarian.
  8. Anyone who thinks pineapple on pizza is good.
    Stop it.
  9. Teenagers who call me ma'am.
    You're the worst.