THINGS THAT HAPPENED ON MY TRIP TO THE DENTIST

  1. My husband didn't get out of work in time, so I rolled into the appointment late with both kids in tow.
    He tries.
  2. My child screamed outside the door of the office as my husband came to pick him up.
    Everyone was staring. Apparently I'm so awesome he couldn't bear to be apart from me.
  3. The hygienist got really worked up about how everyone compares Adele to Amy Winehouse when really Adele doesn't measure up.
    I nodded politely because she had sharp instruments in my mouth. I own every Adele album.
  4. I lied about how often I floss.
    Doesn't everyone?
  5. The appointment lasted 75 minutes.
    Full X-rays, charting something about my gums, cleaning and polishing.
  6. The dentist was in the room less than 30 seconds.
    I guess that means things are good.
  7. There was a weird horse picture both on the screensaver of the computer and taped to the screen.
    And then she talked about how they were trying to sell the horse and I felt bad, but she seemed ok about it.
  8. I received the most aggressive flossing of my life.
    And when I tried to tell her the easy way to floss around my attached retainer, she seemed offended that I was telling her how to do her job and said this wasn't her first rodeo.
  9. My husband texted me that both kids were crying almost the whole time I was gone.
    Mommy needs a break.
  10. The hygienist redeemed herself by letting me take toys out of the kids basket home for my crying weirdos.
    Now I just need some ibuprofen for my aching gums.
  11. Repeat in 6 months.