Baseline Requirements For Calling Yourself A 'Comedian' On Social Media

Being a comedian is a lot like being a writer: any jackass can just decide he is one. These types routinely list "comedian" in the non-enthusiast/junkie portion of their social media bios but seldom back it up with humorous observations or jokes, let alone working in comedy. Here's a brief refresher of what it takes to *earn* it.
  1. You have a personal blog
  2. You "love making snarky comments"
  3. You really, really WANT to be a comedian
    Your parents were right: you can do anything!
  4. You're rich
    (That's a sizable aspect of what your parents meant)
  5. You considered doing an open mic night once
    You ended up not going but you'll be ready someday.
  6. You have between 200 and 800 followers on Twitter
  7. You've read your tweets out loud to people
  8. You've used really good reaction gifs in various comment sections of the Internet
    You literally can't (ever!)
  9. You have at least 2 friends who constantly say how hilarious (or hilar) you are
    They can be real friends or people who agree with you in comments sections about non-comedic things.
  10. You tweet at (professional) comedians when you don't like their jokes
    Back to the drawing board, Jeselnik!
  11. You've contributed to HuffPo
    (At least twice, though—literally anyone can contribute once)
  12. You've contributed to Buzzfeed
    You can actually just be in or around Buzzfeed. You could be an unpaid intern for a few anonymous weeks at Buzzfeed and that basically makes you Mitch Hedburg
  13. You need a constructive way to re-frame the long days of (comfortable) unemployment and hours on the Internet
    Way less bleak!
  14. You and your friends made some vaguely satirical semi-autobiographic videos once and talked about turning them into a web series
  15. You're thinking of starting a podcast
  16. You're not funny