Geocities Websites I Maintained as a Teenager
My friend Kit taught me basic html the summer after fifth grade. She also introduced me to Geocities (RIP!), which I in turn approached as a means of ingress to other completist weirdos like myself. Soon after I discovered text banners that could spin on a mesmerizing axis and so spent the next few years embedding midis inappropriately.
- •Owen Wilson Fan PageMore of a test run, really. I'd developed a weird crush on him from seeing Anaconda, so my first attempt at web design was a plain black splash with a center aligned JPEG of Owen Wilson squinting obtusely, followed by a column of "stats" and facts (related: I'm often attracted to people with prominent or striking noses). I fucked it all up trying to implement frames and abandoned the project shortly thereafter. 🌾
- •Back Door Disc and Tape Official WebpageA family friend owned the local record store with that Howlin' Wolf reference for a title. When I got a little more confident with my html, I pitched making the store a website in exchange for the responsibility of reviewing music. I felt like a king; getting tons of free new music at 13/14 (like a year or two before it was free for everyone else) along with a platform for my worst attempts at adult writing voice. ...Still, I just wasn't as impressed with The Fragile as everyone else.
- •Hottie HallA girl at school approached me and asked if I'd lend my skills to realize her vision: a grand Facebook-style compendium of hotties, a place to crush on Freddie Prinze Jr and Ryan Phillipe, a place with a guestbook. Something real. Creative differences sank the project immediately; she resented that I'd injected my voice into the site (generating profiles for left-of-center hotties like Ad-Rock and Liam Gallagher), while I felt a stubborn ownership, having built it. There was a Venga Boys midi.
- •yoda_grrrl's Totally Awesome Star Wars WebpageMy most glorious creation, abstract in form (and purpose) but deeply felt. Beneath a spinning banner of that entire cumbersome title... on a background of a swirling galaxy, infinitely tiled... I ornamented my Area51-"neighborhood" property with moody portraits of a lightning-lit Yoda and gif dividers like pulsing lightsabers and jawas scurrying left to right (to divide the different sections of this impressively long webpage). Mecco's "Star Wars Disco" was the choice midi here.
- •Wes Borland OnlineCrucially: not a Limp Bizkit fansite. I was with the Tool goths taxonomically but for teenage reasons really into Wes Borland's whole thing. The overall look was a little more slick and modern than my previous work; unintentionally convincing enough that I'd regularly get emails from lovesick fans. By the end, it became a venue for my experimental comedy writing (?) i.e. non sequitur captains and lists like the XX most likely ways Borland would die.