THINGS MY TEN YEAR OLD SELF WOULD BE AMAZED AND/OR PISSED TO LEARN ABOUT FUTURE HER

Inspired by @jimmyjamtastic
  1. You can read anytime you want, now. When you go to college you will actually major in reading. You won't be able to make a career out of it, though, so maybe think about that.
  2. You never move to Washington, DC, because you realize it takes a lot of money to live there and being close to your family is actually pretty cool.
  3. You spend most of your extra money on books and food.
  4. Johnathan Taylor Thomas is no longer famous. Sorry.
  5. You can drive cool cars now! As long as they're not stick shift.
  6. Boys DO have penises under there but they are not actually gross. One in particular you like a lot.
  7. That weird music your mom listens to? You love it now. Stevie Nicks is a goddess and Journey is FUN.
  8. All the needlecraft Mamaw does? People may actually still think it's a little weird to knit and cross stitch, but actually it's super relaxing and now it's super easy and affordable to listen to audiobooks while your hands stay busy.
  9. The cool kids only get cooler, for a while. It will suck in those moments they make fun of you, but then you all go to college and they don't matter to you any more. You do not actually become their boss, and you can't be mean to them as revenge, though.
  10. You no longer spend every Saturday at Lowe's and Home Depot buying stuff to remodel the house. You would if you could, if you only had lots of money!
  11. You will not, one day, have a closet entirely from Delia's. This is a great tragedy in your life.