THINGS I SHOULD DO IN THE MORNING BUT DON'T

  1. Enjoy a cup of coffee
    I'm always rushing out the door with my travel mug of hastily brewed Cinnabon Cinnamon Roll K-cup coffee. And coffee consumed when you're in a chair near a window or in bed with a book tastes so much better than coffee consumed in traffic. (Also, you're less likely to spill it on yourself)
  2. Eat an actual breakfast
    If I don't make time in the morning to eat, I won't end up eating until around 11. And it's typically something unhealthy that I bought at work and leaves me feeling hungry 30 minutes later. I believe in a woman's/human's right to enjoy an egg white omelet in the morning before work.
  3. Check the weather
    I feel like this is something adults do, however, I never do this. Does this make me less of an adult? Is age just a number? Am I fooling myself? What does life mean?
  4. Take a shower
    I am a clean human being, don't get me wrong. But I am one who likes to, as they say, dilly dally in the shower. I like to debate how far up my leg I should shave. I like to perform Taylor Swift songs whole-heartedly to my shampoo bottles while I'm exfoliating. I like having time to exfoliate in the first place.
  5. Watch more Netflix
    I could probably squeeze in one 46 minute episode if I made time for it. Maybe three 24 minute episodes. Think of how much farther I would be in Parks & Rec if I had this kind of time.
  6. Take vitamins or something
    I hear this is good for you. I could probably get into this if gummy vitamins were cheaper.
  7. Contour my face
    Who am I kidding, no amount of time in the morning could allow me to do this effectively.
  8. Learn some kind of foreign language
    Think of how impressive my LinkedIn profile would look if I could speak Spanish AND French AND Chinese AND Cylon. Employers would be lining up at my inbox to hire me!
  9. Take over the world
    Imagine how much free time I would have in the afternoon if I had complete world domination by 9 a.m.!
  10. Wake up on time
    I would probably be able to do all of the above on this list if I actually woke up when I was supposed to.