DREAMS I'VE HAD IN THE LAST WEEK

Oct. 12-18. Themes: water; oscillating power and panic.
  1. 1.
    Whole Foods and lovers
    Andy and I bought three four-packs of gin and tonic wine coolers from Whole Foods. As we walked past a display of sprouts I yelled loudly, "WHO EVEN LIKES SPROUTS?" At the checkout, Andy had snuck a large bag of sprouts into our cart. They looked like reindeer antlers. He tried to distract me by saying, "I know how much you love shopping at Whole Foods." Our bill was $103.53. (I slept through my alarm by 14 minutes because I was so deep in this dream.)
  2. 2.
    Water
    Snorkel front crawl swimming in an inky black river through the Milwaukee jungle. Swimming with the current, and then swimming against it. No fear of the water or the darkness all around. A guy who works at the corner market was leading kayak tours, and he was being interviewed for his bravery for working in the water. I thought, "I learned to swim in this water in one day, but of course they'll interview that guy instead."
  3. 3.
    NEED water
    Driving with Andy to the water. WE MUST GET TO THE WATER. In our way: a massive tailgate and mounds of people. Scenery and buildings = Kapaa, Kauai.
  4. 4.
    Ninja turtle warrior league
    Dream sequence: hiding in the sewer as Mr. Robot's Rami Malek, turning into a turtle, jumping down manholes to fight in a secret Street Fighter warrior league
  5. 5.
    Walk to nowhere
    Walking up a 70's style spiral staircase--green carpet, wooden banister--until my snooze alarm went back off
  6. 6.
    Landlord nightmare
    Snooping through my landlord's basement. She appears! I sneak away, but know she'll notice cardboard dust in my hair and that I've been checking out her brooch collection. I climb on the washing machine to pull the emergency sprinkler to quickly wash my hair, but it spews pink vomit chemicals. Eventually water comes out, but it floods the laundry room. I use towels to mop it up and toss them in the machine, hoping she doesn't notice them or my dripping hair.
  7. 7.
    Dancing With the D List Stars
    Emma from DWTS and her partner (some 14-year-old Vine "celebrity") performed a rollerskating routine in which they wheeled two inches forward and back, while Lara Spencer from Good Morning America led a troupe through a tap dance routine in the background. They received scores of 8, 8, 8, and 7. (Ridiculously high scores for a pathetic routine. The show is clearly rigged.)