1. Death glare
  2. Crow noises
    Tbh this is my go-to for all asshole comments
  3. Alien abduction story
    Must deliver deadpan, purse lips and nod with concern when finished, then walk away
  4. "Only when I'm around you."
    Said very matter-of-fact-ly.
    Suggested by @gwcoffey
  5. Yeah, I am tired. Tired of the outdated systems of oppression we still subscribe to.
    Suggested by @jfran
  6. Hiss
    Suggested by @daniellemariko
  7. Collapse on them in a willful narcoleptic fit
    Suggested by @ltoiaivao
  8. Not as tired as you look.
    Suggested by @aminam
  9. Explain why you are tired. In excruciating detail.
    Suggested by @jennifergster
  10. Just silently look back at them with zero expression
    It's 2016, everyone knows what saying that means to a fucking woman/person (you look like shit). I do this method-- and immediately get a retraction statement from the person who said it.
    Suggested by @daniellemariko
  11. "Glad you noticed. Now I don't have to tell you that you're boring"
    Suggested by @margaretyoko
  12. I'm with @olivi_ahh or a "Well isn't that special." in the snarkiest Church Lady voice I can muster
    Suggested by @nikkilounoel