My Areas of Expertise

After many, many years of practice I can say proudly that I am an expert at these things. I may not be able to get a degree in the below...nonetheless I'm an expert.
  1. Changing baby diapers in 2 wipes or less
    Even the "up the back" blowouts can usually be contained in two wipes. Exception...when it gets into the hair that calls for backup wipes.
  2. Cleaning out eye boogers
    Boyfriend, family, dog, cat or randos in the DMV line. I get that shit done fast and effectively.
  3. Getting the low down
    This applies to multiple areas. New person at work or in your life, I will get the low down on this person. Juicy gossip, I will get the low down. I will ask the important questions and any internet stalking needed to get the whole low down.
  4. Putting babies to sleep
    I mean like goodnight sleep not putting your 13yr old dog to sleep. Probably my most requested and admired expertise. The word on the streets is it has something to do with the most comfortable double d's.