WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M SICK

Common cold, flu, sinus infection, appendicitis - the routine remains the same.
  1. Throw head back in disgust at myself and the little germies who brought me here.
    WHY WHY WHY
  2. Succumb to illness, roll into ball.
  3. WebMd the shit out of my symptoms.
    Freak out. It's cancer. I'm dead.
  4. Gargle with warm water + salt
    That's what mom would want me to do.
  5. Wait it out.
    Enjoy the raspy voice while you have it. Invite friends to karaoke to sing Amy Winehouse.
  6. Feel better!
    Vow to the health gods that you'll wash your hands obsessively, take vitamins, etc.