WHAT MADE ME SWIPE LEFT
A catalogue of Tinder trash. One woman's trash is another woman's treasure, I guess?
- •In parentheses at the end of their bio: "I'm actually 16", listed as 20.no honey. noooo
- •"LOVE partying, HATE school", written by someone enrolled in university.. not interested in seeing where your life is headed.
- •1) senior from my high school so he lied about his age 2) the only thing in his god damn bio was "snapchat me, I'm DTF."
- •"Only smart girls like me, haha." Not true, my friend. Hard left.
- •the word "adventure"Sometimes okay, other times it appears in the first five words of the bio and I vomit in my mouth a little bit.
- •ChildrenPosing with children that are not your own is okay. Cute, even, akin to puppy/cat photos. But as soon as I find out that you had a part in creating the baby in your first photo, I'm out. No judgement, just not something I want to be involved in at my tender age. Props to these people for being honest about it from the start.
- •Anything referring to Pokemon Go...most of the time. I just really don't want to go on a Pokemon catching date, I'm sorry. My data is limited. I'm on a family plan.
- •"Just a king looking for his queen."Just a girl vomiting into her mouth (again).
- •The every-pic-is-a-group-pic guyI'm too lazy to deal with that. If I can't tell who you are within the first two pictures, I've done all that I'm willing to do.
- •SuperlikersYou scare me a little. That was an accident, right? I don't always swipe left, but I'm definitely more inclined to do so.
- •No bioUnless you're REALLY good looking, I don't really swipe right on that alone. I'd pick a person who is average to me (attractiveness is subjective, woot woot) with a funny/interesting bio over a hot person with nothin' any day.
- •People trying to set up threesomes1) thanks for being straightforward about what you're looking for 2) nah
- •One of your photos is just a bag of weedYou're pretty cute for a bag of weed, aren't you? Wait, no.
- •Naked or half naked photos on your profileCall me old-fashioned, but I'd rather see your genitals for the first time in person.
- •Too fitThis one is more to do with me than with you. I respect you and your life choices, you're hot, you're inspiring, but I am a soft, rolly-polly kind of human. Better to swipe left now and save us both some time.
- •Bad facial hairMy shallowness rears its ugly head. What can I say, I love nice beards, and when I see those little patchy neck beards, those beards that will never be, I get a little sad.