WHAT MADE ME SWIPE LEFT

A catalogue of Tinder trash. One woman's trash is another woman's treasure, I guess?
  1. In parentheses at the end of their bio: "I'm actually 16", listed as 20.
    no honey. noooo
  2. "LOVE partying, HATE school", written by someone enrolled in university.. not interested in seeing where your life is headed.
  3. 1) senior from my high school so he lied about his age 2) the only thing in his god damn bio was "snapchat me, I'm DTF."
  4. "Only smart girls like me, haha." Not true, my friend. Hard left.
  5. the word "adventure"
    Sometimes okay, other times it appears in the first five words of the bio and I vomit in my mouth a little bit.
  6. Children
    Posing with children that are not your own is okay. Cute, even, akin to puppy/cat photos. But as soon as I find out that you had a part in creating the baby in your first photo, I'm out. No judgement, just not something I want to be involved in at my tender age. Props to these people for being honest about it from the start.
  7. Anything referring to Pokemon Go
    ...most of the time. I just really don't want to go on a Pokemon catching date, I'm sorry. My data is limited. I'm on a family plan.
  8. "Just a king looking for his queen."
    Just a girl vomiting into her mouth (again).
  9. The every-pic-is-a-group-pic guy
    I'm too lazy to deal with that. If I can't tell who you are within the first two pictures, I've done all that I'm willing to do.
  10. Superlikers
    You scare me a little. That was an accident, right? I don't always swipe left, but I'm definitely more inclined to do so.
  11. No bio
    Unless you're REALLY good looking, I don't really swipe right on that alone. I'd pick a person who is average to me (attractiveness is subjective, woot woot) with a funny/interesting bio over a hot person with nothin' any day.
  12. People trying to set up threesomes
    1) thanks for being straightforward about what you're looking for 2) nah
  13. One of your photos is just a bag of weed
    You're pretty cute for a bag of weed, aren't you? Wait, no.
  14. Naked or half naked photos on your profile
    Call me old-fashioned, but I'd rather see your genitals for the first time in person.
  15. Too fit
    This one is more to do with me than with you. I respect you and your life choices, you're hot, you're inspiring, but I am a soft, rolly-polly kind of human. Better to swipe left now and save us both some time.
  16. Bad facial hair
    My shallowness rears its ugly head. What can I say, I love nice beards, and when I see those little patchy neck beards, those beards that will never be, I get a little sad.