LESSONS LEARNED FROM FIRST TIME CLUBBING AT 23

  1. You're never too old to try something new.
  2. You're going to have a moderately good time at the least, if you've got good company.
  3. That being said, I would have much more enjoyed the night if they had rollerblades for hire and 100% more 60-90s music. Essentially a roller disco.
  4. People stick gum in your hair because people are assholes.
    Thankfully, you can remove most of it with a vegetable oil or peanut butter. Pulled out quite a few strands of hair with the gum, but still better than the alternative of chopping off the entire strand.
  5. Try not to be sober.
    Hanging out sober with drunk 20 year olds makes you want to melt your brain.
  6. Do not wear shoes that haven't been broken in.
  7. Don't wear heels.
  8. Basically don't wear any footwear that a bro wouldn't, if you want to not feel like you're walking on coal.
  9. Do not wear your brother's jeans that are definitely too large for you.