The Number of Swear Words in My New Novel

With every book I publish, I inevitably get emails (really! people actually email me to complain!) or reviews about how horrified some reader is over my use of "foul language." So I took count this time. This list is for them.
  1. 83 = the number of times I use "fuck"
    What can I say? It works in so many different contexts.
  2. 81 = the number of times I use "shit"
    A close second to fuck, evidently.
  3. 51 = the number of times I use "goddamn"
    A good lighter swear when "fuck" is too much. As in: "I am so sick of your goddamn shit!"
  4. 17 = the number of times I use "bitch"
    Does this even qualify as a swear word anymore?
  5. 12 = the number of times I use "dick"
    Dick really gives an on the nose sense of a character who is just being a total prick.
  6. 8 = the number of times I use "asshole"
    Hmmm. I like this word. Maybe I should sprinkle some more in, just for maximum offensiveness.
  7. 0 = the number of times I use the c-word
    Hey! Even I have standards.