Things I Did as a Kid That Are Now Basically Considered Criminal

  1. Ate raw cookie dough
    Salmonella? Are you fucking kidding me? Half the point of making cookies was just to eat the dough.
  2. Lots of other things too
    Riding your bike without a helmet (ok, this really is dumb, my dad is a brainsurgeon), not wearing a seatbelt (ditto), running around after dark without a cell phone (gasp), babysitting at 11 yo (now kids still HAVE babysitters at 11yo), etc, etc, etc. Think of the kids in E.T, and that was pretty much my childhood. Only in Virginia.
  3. But I really just wanted to post a list about my raw cookie dough outrage
  4. Because I just made banana bread mostly to eat the batter
  5. And what is life without being able to eat raw batter?
  6. Seriously.
  7. Give me raw cookie dough or give me death.
  8. (Though, I guess, don't give me salmonella.)
    ???
  9. But this is kinda a metaphor for parenting today
  10. Screw that.
  11. If you don't hear from me again after this list, assume I have been hospitalized by my stupidity and kids, stay away from cookie dough.
  12. If not, carry on.