Things I Said to Dog #1 by 9AM

We have two dogs. One is good, one is less good. I admit to being preferential.
  1. "You are SO handsome! Do you know how handsome you are? Is it difficult being so handsome?"
  2. "You're my favorite out of everyone in the house. Shhh. That's our secret."
  3. "Did you just fart? That's ok. Your farts are perfect."
  4. "I live to serve you."
  5. "It's been raining so much. I know. It's not fair, and you deserve better. Do you want me to have a talk with God?"