TEXTS I'VE SENT TODAY

A selection from today's iMessages...
  1. I must know when the old woman is coming. We had an altercation this morning in Starbucks and she asked me if I was a cripple.
  2. Sorry not sure what you're talking about but I didn't find any swim trunks in the box of scented candles!
  3. Where's the garbage?
  4. I just want more North Korea. What's next?
  5. So how do you think klonopin mixed with sudafed mixed with having to be on stage in an hour will fare?
  6. I'm sure it will be fine. Just hide your medication and money.
  7. How weird! I actually wore a leopard printed one piece two days in a row this week.
  8. Lots of very small dinosaurs.
  9. LOL no we have ZERO money in our budget for that. Just thought I could get some free legal advice from you...
  10. Reading something about why Russia is actually the funniest country. "Russian humor is slapstick, only you actually die."
  11. Dennis Rodman