WHAT I WISH MY HOROSCOPE ACTUALLY SAID
My horoscope this month is all about putting in the hard work and my dreams coming into fruition. That's nice.
- •One morning, very soon, $3000 will be your available Venmo balance. Cash out at your leisure.
- •Hey -- you're pretty. Go outside this month; show everyone you're pretty.
- •A summer cold? Not for you. More like, summer hot. Because you're hot. Sorry to harp on your looks, but come on. Have you seen your face? Hot.
- •Mercury has gone direct, baby. Forever.
- •You've always been the caretaker.