In honor of her birthday. @dana
  1. No one can be called crazy except for Amanda Bynes.
  2. Change your nose, change your life.
  3. When I get a nose job and lose 20 pounds, Vanessa Hudgens is going to be fucking out of work as shit.
  4. Mom, I've gotten everything I'm going to get out of this conversation.
  5. Watching my old Vine videos, I'm 2015's Norma Desmond.
  6. I have a better chance of becoming chairman of the federal reserve than I do of becoming a SoulCycle instructor.
  7. I should steal Dane Cook jokes, because that would be very meta.
  8. Phoenix is the best band of all time.