HOW TO COMBAT SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER

AKA seasonal depression. More than 3 million U.S. cases per year. I don't have an MD, but I do have Web MD.
  1. Sun lamp
    I don't have a sun lamp so I settle for the flourescent lights in my living room.
  2. Space heater
    Not directly related to seasonal affective disorder but I'm cold all the time now. People say "It'll set your house on fire" and I say "Is fire what killed Kurt Cobain?"
  3. Wellbutrin
    I don't have Wellbutrin but I have a bottle of vitamin B6.
  4. Light exercise
    Exercise indoors in your local rec center or gym with no windows. If you're inside, you can't tell that it's cold and dark outside and then you won't be depressed.
  5. Make your environment sunnier and brighter
    Web MD recommends "getting better blinds" and "trimming the branches" outside your window. I recommend painting your walls yellow to make the room seem sunnier. If your landlord asks about it, respond by asking her if she's ever felt happiness.
  6. Prozac
    See "Wellbutrin."
  7. Zoloft
    See "Wellbutrin."