SELECTED PASSAGES FROM MY DIARY: NOT THAT LONG AGO

Let's not even try to pass the Bechdel test
  1. "I think of how wonderful he is and it seems cruel and unusual punishment for the world to keep us apart."
  2. "I even refresh Venmo each day, hoping he'll have a new transaction."
  3. "I want to be a walking contradiction."
  4. "The guy at the bar called me cute and he called Jack a cocksucker."
  5. "I saw a guy today and he wasn't you and he didn't even look like you or dress like you but he had your vibe."
  6. "I am 'Audrey Kaufman' but I am not Audrey Kaufman."