ON LEAVING

To set the scene, I just graduated high school and I'm leaving for an out of state college at the end of summer...
  1. So it's the summer after senior year, filled with goodbyes and grad parties.
  2. And to be a little honest, I'm not that broken up about the good byes.
  3. I'm kind of scared of my lack of feelings and don't know why I'm so cold.
  4. I love seeing all of my friends outside of school. It's really nice to see everyone relaxed and having fun.
    but it doesn't feel like goodbye
  5. I'm scared I'm wasting this time with them by not feeling sad, or not treasuring it enough.
    am I making the most of my time??
  6. To go along with the friend goodbyes, I'm the most worried about leaving home.
  7. Of course, I will be homesick and miss my family so much, but right now I don't feel it.
  8. Even though I love my family a lot, I'm kind of...ready to leave?
    and I'm not that broken up about it
  9. It's as if something's wrong with me, I don't have emotions or it just doesn't feel like goodbye.
    I want to be sad right now, and not feel so much regret in the future.
  10. I feel bad that I'm not super broken up, but it's hard to treasure the moment right now when I'm so stuck on the future.
  11. thanks list for (list)ening to my thoughts
  12. side note: I have to start listing more positive things!! not just teenage angst