Emotions in my head 2/28/17
I've got a lot going on, here's what I'm feeling I guess
- •SadnessI want to be out in the world, I kind of hate being cooped up in here. I can see kids playing from my window and birds chirping in the trees and idk I really want to be out there. I want to run, I want to play soccer, and, most importantly, I want to stop feeling so bad for myself.
- •GuiltSo many people have it worse, I feel wrong for the self-pity I'm feeling. I don't need surgery, I've gotten several "get-well-soon" notes, life could be worse, so I guess I feel kinda guilty.
- •PainMy chest hurts. It hurts when I move, it hurts when I swallow, it hurts when I type (which is why I am dictating everything), it hurts when I sleep, it hurts when I go to the bathroom, it hurts when I play with Buckets, and, finally, it hurts when I try to hug my parents.
- •TirednessI can't sleep on my back. The problem is, I have to sleep on my back now that my collarbone is broken. Therefore, I tried to sleep from 9:30 PM to 8:00 AM and only actually slept for like an hour. I feel zombified.
- •ReliefLike I said, it could be worse. At least I know a general time-range for my recovery and I think I can come back. The doctor said "it's the best scenario we could've hoped for if we knew you had broken your collarbone." The bones lined up and there's only one break, I'll be okay eventually.
- •StressI've got tests and quizzes and homework that don't stop now that I'm injured. The world is still going and I've still got to try to catch up to it. (Shoutout to AP world, I'm gonna fail that test, even with a "4-day weekend" to study)
- •HungerI have to eat with my left hand now, so with even though I'm currently eating, everything is slower. I'm just so hungry like idek anymore
- •HappinessI've been reading over my joy li.sts, I'm having some pasta, and I'm watching Captain America. This would normally be my dream, it's just not what I want right now.
- •AngerFrom a religious standpoint, I should forgive the kid that did this to me. From every other viewpoint, I really want to knock his teeth out. He did it on purpose, he felt no regret, and I'm not at all afraid of him. If he was in front of me right now, I would almost definitely knock him unconscious, I'd leave the regret for later. It's not really a threat, it's a plain and simple promise.
- •HopefulnessI've started getting psychologically ready, so I can get back to where I was. I'm rereading my notes, watching game film, and doing everything I can mentally because I know I'm gonna come back stronger than before. When that time comes, I'm gonna be ready.
- •ConfusionI still don't know what I'm doing. I'm trying really hard, but I've been bumbling through life for weeks now and I'm not sure where to go from here. Also: the mixture of pain and meds means that I'm really loopy and have trouble concentrating. That doesn't help
- •FearI'm scared. Don't get me wrong. I'm scared. What if I never get fully healed? What if someone runs in the hallway and pushes my healing process back weeks? What if I can't go to Spain cause of my collarbone? I have a lot of questions and I'm afraid of what this break will do to me.
- •RegretI've regretted several things in my life. Being stuck in this bed in my room just makes me focus on them more. Damn
- •BoredomThere are not that many things you can do with a broken collarbone. I can't run, I can't play soccer, and I can't even play with my new puppy. That means I'm stuck up in my room alone, I guess it's starting to get a little repetitive.