thanks to @samclaney and @Debby
  1. buy cable?
    pray it doesn't come with a landline.
  2. ask your digital ultra high definition television?
    nope, no funky manual dials. our tvs are sentient now.
  3. download from the dark web?
    or maybe search for it in sony's wikileaked files.
  4. .
  5. .
  6. .
  7. don't actually buy cable.
    what is this, 2007? you're better than cable.