REASONS I GOT ENGAGED

  1. An excuse to more frequently say "my wife" in a Borat voice.
  2. Therapist said I was ready.
  3. We're really funny together at this age, we're gonna be hysterical when we're old and cranky.
  4. She's real supportive of male vulnerability which is progressive and great.
  5. She's gonna be super famous soon and I figured get in now before there's a prenup situation
  6. I saw my lady's perfect tushy the other day and realized I had to lock that down.
  7. I've never been happier than I am with her.