1. When I was very little, I used to have a thing for gardeners.
  2. So it made sense that when my parents got me a goldfish, I named it Bertoldo, after our gardener.
  3. One day, my mom found Bertoldo floating in his bowl, dead.
  4. My parents had not yet taught me about the concept of death, so my mother was very worried about what to tell me.
  5. She called my father at work, in a panic, and told him "Bertoldo is dead. I found him face down in the water."
  6. My father assumed she meant that our gardener had died while tending to our property, and he ended up in a panic too.
  7. It took them a while to get on the same page, and the story became one for the history books.
  8. Epilogue: my parents secretly replaced my dead fish a couple times so they didn't have to teach me about death too early. After a while this got tiresome for them, so they tricked me into thinking it was my idea to release my latest goldfish into the pond at the local park.