You should without a doubt see this movie immediately.
  1. "I can't forget it, it's burned into my mind forever."
    Jennifer Lopez, re her husband cheating on her. As soon as she finishes saying this, she sits down to eat a piece of pie.
  2. "You've got schmutz on your shirt."
    Apparently Jennifer Lopez's character Claire Peterson is Jewish?
  3. "But he's the best allergist in the valley!"
    J Lo to her son, when her son would rather hang out with hot new neighbor Noah than go to the doctor.
  4. "Noah is staying with me to help out when I get my bone marrow transport." "You mean transplant, Uncle Bob."
  5. "This is a first edition! I can't accept this."
    When Noah gives J Lo a first edition copy of The Iliad. A FIRST EDITION COPY OF THE ILIAD?!
  6. "Laugh a lot, take off your wedding ring, give him head."
    Kristin Chenoweth's advice to J Lo, as she gets ready for her first date since her husband cheated on her.
  7. "Ethan, how's your mom?" "Gallstones."
  8. When Noah wears a necktie to go target shooting in the woods.
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  9. "I'm busy with physical education. I believe you're familiar with that subject, right?"
    Noah to J Lo, when she confronts him in the school's giant boxing gym they apparently have.
  10. "The Wiz was on Turner Classics last night. It's a black version of The Wizard of Oz."
    Taunt a bully uses to upset J Lo's son (who once peed his pants when he had an allergy attack after being stung by a bee).
  11. When J Lo has only five minutes to search Noah's house for their sex tape he's hiding, and her first instinct is to look behind the painting on the mantle.
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  12. "One more question... was this a 2006 minivan?" "Yes, that's exactly what it was."
  13. When Noah is intensely torturing Kristin Chenoweth and there's a random cat sitting on the counter grooming itself.
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  14. When J Lo takes down Noah with AN EPI PEN TO THE EYEBALL
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    In the midst of a burning barn