CONSPIRACY THEORIES

  1. 1.
    Drake is a pinecone
  2. 2.
    The Illuminati is a Paris Hilton fragrance
  3. 3.
    Oxygen is just a construct invented by the Paper Towel Lobby
  4. 4.
    The Paper Towel Lobby is just a construct invented by the Lobbies Lobby
  5. 5.
    Any car with over 65,000 miles on it isn't real
  6. 6.
    Bob Dole is a Microsoft Word document
  7. 7.
    The Mall of America is inside a giant invisible Nissan dealership
  8. 8.
    The Titanic was sunk by a tractor
  9. 9.
    Aliens live in Cuisinart appliances
  10. 10.
    The New York Times is God's hipster niece's book report
  11. 11.
    Cat litter and sesame seeds = same thing
  12. 12.
    The Duggar family is actually the Dallas Cowboys
  13. 13.
    Area 51 is Area 15
  14. 14.
    Jello is poisonous under a full moon
  15. 15.
    Shakespeare was a top sirloin