PRINCIPLES OF COMEDY

My mom says she thinks I'm funny, so I wanted to share some tips for being funny, in case you want to be funny too!
  1. Here's an easy tip to start: just say the opposite of something. So if it's really dark in a room, say "Wow, it's so bright in here!"
  2. Try to use the words "purple," "Jumanji," and "Lake Titicaca" a lot. Those are just funny-sounding words. Even if you say "a boat of Boy Scout orphans capsized on Lake Titicaca," people will still laugh.
  3. Use The Rule of Threes: things are funnier when there are three of them. So instead of saying "I saw one parrot," say "I saw three parrots."
  4. Ham is never not funny.
  5. Come up with a personal catchphrase. Mine is "Clementine Mississippi, I gotta go pee!" (This is the personal one I use, I'm just telling it to you as an example. Please don't use it. It's mine.)
    Some Etsy sites will make up a catchphrase for you if you're having trouble coming up with one on your own!
  6. Change one of the letters in a word or phrase. So for example, "Game of Thrones" becomes "Game of Throngs" or "Game hf Thrones."
    (Just be careful with this one, because people might sue you when they die of laughter!)
  7. Groom a piece of hair so that it falls over your eyes in a funny way when you shake your head just so. But then act like it's a mistake and you can't control it.
    A fight with the hair on your very own head? Are you kidding me?! Comic gold!
  8. Say something, silently count to three in your head, and then say "Just kidding!"
  9. Fart during a serious moment. Some really good ones are a final exam in college, a presidential inauguration, or a traffic accident.
  10. Add "much?" to the end of a word or phrase. So like "banana bread much?" or "How long will this oil change take much?"
  11. Pretend to trip and say "Bazooniewoonie, I'm such a klutz!" This one is especially great because people of all ages really love it.
  12. If all else fails, you can do something that comedy professionals call "shock value." This is when you lightly electrocute a nun at a fun public place, like a fair or a pumpkin patch.