THE NIGHT I MET NELLY

  1. 9:15 pm - I'm lying in bed, fully pajama'ed, deeply engrossed in an episode of 19 Kids and Counting
  2. 9:16 pm - my friend texts me: "If you can get to Hollywood and Vine really soon, you can meet Nelly"
    My friend works on Real Husbands of Hollywood and knows that my top three topics of conversation are spaghetti, my cat, and Nelly
  3. 9:17 pm - I get dressed faster than I ever have in my whole entire life
    Even faster than when I had to throw on clothes to run outside right after an earthquake.
  4. 9:18 pm - My Uber driver arrives
    Not gonna waste time trying to find parking when Nelly is on the line
  5. 9:25 pm - I AM LOOKING AT NELLY
    And I guess Nick Cannon and Kevin Hart too, but whatever.
  6. 9:45 pm - my friend introduces me to Nelly
    I tell Nelly that I loved his recent performance at the Univision Music Festival. He clearly has no idea what I'm talking about.
  7. 9:46 pm through eternity - I don't stop talking about the night I met Nelly