THINGS I PREDICTABLY DO

  1. 1.
    Wear white when eating marinara sauce
    I like to live dangerously!
  2. 2.
    Forget the name of The Hundred Foot Journey
  3. 3.
    Cut myself opening envelopes
  4. 4.
    Cut myself sealing envelopes
  5. 5.
    Think I'm talking quieter than I actually am when I say something edgy
  6. 6.
    Admit I got my clothes at Ross if someone compliments them
  7. 7.
    Talk about members of the Duggar family on a first name basis as though everyone knows who I'm talking about
  8. 8.
    Send @Laura five separate texts in the space of two seconds even though I've been encouraged not to do that anymore
  9. 9.
    Talk about my cat the first time I meet someone even though I've made a vow to myself not to do this
  10. 10.
    Walk into the coffee table
  11. 11.
    Walk into the kitchen table
  12. 12.
    Walk into the bed frame
  13. 13.
    Walk into every doorknob
  14. 14.
    Hit my head on the wall above my garden
    Do they make gardening helmets?
  15. 15.
    Tell myself I'm gonna go to bed at midnight but stay up much later looking at this app