THINGS I WORRY ABOUT

  1. If I shed a hair in a public place, will I get framed for murder?
  2. If I commit a murder, should I leave a hair behind on purpose, so it becomes an exciting manhunt led by a dashing detective instead of a boring unsolved crime?
  3. If I leave a hair behind, should I leave a brown one or a gray one?
  4. If I leave a gray hair behind, will people think I'm old?
  5. If people think I'm old, will the jury take pity on me and give me a reduced jail sentence so that I can spend more time with my grandchildren?
  6. If I spend too much time with my grandchildren, will they take me for granted and not appreciate what a good grandmother I am?
  7. If my grandchildren don't appreciate me, will they even care who inherits my favorite brooch once I die?
  8. Do I even have a brooch?
  9. Is it bad I don't have a brooch?
  10. What is a brooch?
  11. Is it bad I don't really know what a brooch is?
  12. Do my grandchildren know what a brooch is?
  13. Does anyone on the jury know what a brooch is?
  14. Does the dashing detective who investigated my case know what a brooch is?
  15. Was the dashing detective actually the real murderer?
  16. Should I just shave my head...?