WHY DOES FOOD HAVE TO BE SEXY?

  1. I made beef stew for dinner. It wasn't sexy.
  2. Had honey butter biscuits. They were sweet, but also not sexy.
  3. Had a salad with a basic vinaigrette. While the word "vinaigrette" is sexy in cursive handwriting, and emulsification is cool as can be (especially when I make it happen), it still isn't sexy.
  4. I ate carrot cake. It had coconut and walnuts in it too. Still wasn't sexy.
  5. The insistence that food should be sexy suggests that it's something we're constantly striving for. Instead, when I cook, I stand really close and inhale the vapors of the fruits of my labor and whisper, "You're beautiful, beef stew. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't have to dress revealingly to show what you've got." Then, I eat food.