THINGS I'VE DONE WHILE SUPERVISING MY 3-YEAR-OLD TAKE A CRAP

Everything. Pretty much everything.
  1. Eaten a PBJ
  2. Called every contact in my phone
  3. Gagged because it smelled so bad
  4. Abandoned because it smelled so bad
  5. Painted my toes
  6. Organized the shampoo bottles by height
  7. Asked "Are you done yet?" forty times
  8. Wondered if he was choking because he was pushing so hard and turning purple
  9. Popped pimples
  10. Plucked my eyebrows
  11. Marveled at how such a big turd could come out of such a small body
  12. Wiped him, washed and cleaned, only to come back two minutes later for "More poops, Mom"