Questionable Things I Said Out Loud This Holiday Season

I AM AN ABSOLUTE PLEASURE TO BE AROUND THESE DAYS
  1. Let's never have kids
    To my husband on a plane, surrounded by children screaming and playing loud iPad games without headphones on.
  2. Get me the fuck out of paradise
    In Hawaii.. With family
  3. I'm incapable of feeling joy right now
    To my dad. I can't remember why
  4. I'll just get liposuction
    I am NOT getting liposuction.
  5. I'm just going to crawl in bed and watch that teen show all day
    I AM IN HAWAII