My mother becomes more and more of a conspiracy theorist with each passing day
  1. Millions of people die from moose attacks each year
  2. The only reason we wash vegetables is to clean off the pee of mistreated migrant workers who aren't allowed to use the bathroom. Pesticides - not an issue
  3. Apple periodically sends her viruses to destroy her hard drive, requiring her to buy a new computer each year
  4. There is a drone flying around Pound Ridge, NY watching people get dressed in the morning
  5. There is also a living pterodactyl in Pound Ridge, NY.
  6. Every single customer service representative you speak to is lying to you just to get you off the phone, so you should always get their name before hanging up. Despite how uncomfortable that makes the conversation