FAKE NEWS HEADLINES I SEND TO MY COUSIN

My cousin and I have a very strange sense of humor. Probably a mistake to show how weird we are...but it seems like that's one of the cool things about this app. Anyways, we like to send each other fake news articles that are random and very bizarre. Found a few looking through old texts. If you also have a strange sense of humor you might enjoy.
  1. 1.
    SAN DIEGO SUN DANCE: naked man murders gaggle of silver back apes as valentines day present to his mistress the queen of Denmark, ironically she is allergic to monkeys
  2. 2.
    HOUSTON PROPHET: Ewoks escape county jail and carry off several small children to their hidden tree dwellings; Plus, how to prepare yourself for chlamydia season
  3. 3.
    SACRAMENTO SEER: "It actually wasn't that bad," says local woman trapped in giraffe anus; Also, computers: are they real?
  4. 4.
    NEW YORK NIGHTLY: masterbating dog strikes again. Once more the question is begged. WHERE IS SPIDER-MAN?
  5. 5.
    TUSCALOOSA TRIBUNE: local boy eats entire litter of kittens says quote 'now I'm the one with the hair ball'.
  6. 6.
    EDMONTON EXQUISITER: local hospital under investigation as babies continue to get pregnant at alarming rates, also how your dog might have herpes and why he isn't tell you
  7. 7.
    WISCONSIN WEEKLY: massive zoo breakout leads to orangutan take over of post office. Outrage continues as monkeys relentlessly mail shit to everyone in state.
  8. 8.
    SHARPSBURG GAZETTE: Is anyone even reading this? We haven't sold a paper in months. POOP PISS SHIT COCK CUNT
  9. 9.
    HONOLULU HERALD: Entire middleschool misplaced when vice principle goes for lunch: "I swear, it was there when I left." Carmen Sandiego a suspect in case. Plus is eating a live turkey this years craze?
  10. 10.
    SEATTLE DAILY NEWS: Humanuba morgasblurn opalishod jerzax cramwang PleaseHelp I Am ExperiencingAStroke, "Qwong zip herk, yax sworgin gilbin." Zork, dibble frunk.