ME, BY THE NUMBERS

I cannot seem to control my sleep self.
  1. Number of times I've sleep walked (is this the correct past tense?): 1
  2. Number of times I've woken up in the middle of running to my front door yelling "someone is here": 1
    This was last week.
  3. Number of times I've woken up in the middle of tearing all the sheets off my bed because I thought there were spiders in it: 3-4
    Fear will fuck you up.
  4. Number of times I've woken up to the sound of my door being opened even though it wasn't real and happened in my dreams because I'm a crazy person: 100,000
  5. Number of months I've been wearing a night guard: 2
  6. Number of times I've hidden my night guard somewhere in my nightstand while I was asleep: 6
  7. Number of times I've put my night guard inside my pillow case while I was asleep: 7
  8. Number of times I've confessed secrets in my sleep: NONE THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE