ONLINE DATING SITES THAT SHOULD EXIST

  1. The "We Both Have A Horrible Secret" Site
    Everyone has baggage. But not everyone has a legitimately horrible secret. If you know you have a personal bomb to drop, it only makes sense to meet others in the same situation. Ever part of a cult? Ever raised by wolves who never said 'I Love You'? Ever make out with a guy who turned out to be a fascist dictator? This site is for you.
  2. The "Christians Who Are Weirded Out By Christian Mingle" Site
  3. The "Romantic Comedy" Site
    Finally, a site that orchestrates meet-ups exclusively through tangled dog leashes, grocery store collisions, and years of friendship where you just weren't seeing the other person for who they truly were (YOUR SOULMATE!!!)
  4. The "I Want To Date Someone Of A Different Race But We'll Need To Lie To My Grandparents About It" Site
  5. The "I Only Do This As A Joke Or At Least That's What I Tell My Friends" Site
    This site is for people who are just like totally doing this as joke but like if amidst the completely ironic and so stupid conversations something real just happens to spark and they fall in love.....that's fine too.
  6. The "Game Of Thrones Shaming" Site
    You're on a date. It's going well. You ask your companion, "By the way, do you watch Game of Thrones?" They respond, "No." Do you a) accept this and move on *OR* b) FREAK OUT and spend the rest of the date asking them WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY be doing with their MISERABLE LIVES if they're not watching GOT?!? (If you answered b, it might be best to avoid this debacle all together and just date other obsessed-with-GOT-to-the-point-of-extreme-judgement-of-non-fans type people).
  7. The "I Stole This Phone" Site
    We've all been there - you steal someone's phone, figure out their passcode, and start combing through the device for credit card info. But then you wonder, "Wait. Is it cool if I use this stolen property to seek out a relationship?" Well wonder no more! This site would connect lonely thieves everywhere! But be warned - your match just might steal your heart!!! ....or your phone, because, well, you get it.