THINGS MY GRANDMA SAID THIS WEEKEND

She is a colorful woman
  1. "I could kiss the guy on the mouth that invented this heatin pad."
  2. "I've been sayin that for an hour but you can't hear a lick!"
    Her response when my uncle asked why she didn't say something earlier
  3. "Yeah I just wiped my ass."
    Her response to my mom asking if her hands were clean
  4. "Jesus Lord it's hard to talk to you!"
    Conversation leading up to that comment: Grandma: "That's the old one" Uncle: "So this is the new one?"
  5. "Honey when you get my age you done care about scars, you're just happy to be sucking air."
    Her response to her doctor who was assuring her he would make her scar almost invisible.