How My Cousin Got a Lifetime Ban From Denali National Park

  1. So I'm with my cousins, and Alaska State Troopers is on in the background.
  2. One cousin says, "Carl is banned from the state of Alaska."
  3. And another says, "No he's just banned from Denali National Park."
    Which is only 6 million acres.
  4. How does one get banned from a national park?
  5. Here's how one gets banned from a national park:
  6. My cousin Carl worked in the restaurant of the park lodge/resort.
  7. He's an eccentric, charismatic dude who kinda drifts about and makes a lot of friends.
  8. Many of the other workers in the resort were from Eastern Europe.
  9. Carl picked up conversational Hungarian and started to become tight with these people.
  10. He learned that they were getting paid significantly lower wages than non-immigrants and started trying to rally together some light protests.
  11. This is when Carl began to make a few enemies in the management department of Denali National Park.
  12. During the staff's self-organized Christmas in July Party, some way or another the idea of cutting down a Christmas tree and lighting it on fire was brought up.
  13. Many attribute the idea to Carl.
  14. Only a few portions of the resort were burned down.
  15. Carl got word that he was to be immediately escorted from the park premises.
  16. He went back to his room in the workers' quarters.
  17. When Denali Park security arrived at Carl's door, they were presented with the entirety of Carl in the nude.
  18. "Hello gentlemen," Carl said.
  19. The staff did not take kindly to Carl's personal brand of humor.
  20. My cousin was escorted all the way to a plane that would take him out of Alaskan borders.
  21. That is how one could earn a lifetime ban from Denali National Park.